Zombies should f*** off as soon as possible

Zombies suck. I really do not understand where this fascination with zombies comes from. They are supposed to be dead but they are not and they attack the living, either very slowly or very quickly but in both versions accompanied by those low groans and moans that are the most direct indication that a zombie or a bunch of them (there’s always a bunch of them) are afoot. I can think of 5 types of more compelling/scary/exciting/sexy/delicious/interesting/wild/funny monsters/villains/bad guys of any other kind from the top of my head. Hell, even those megasharks and other types of new school monsters are more interesting than zombies.  Zombies suck balls.

Zombies are supposed to come from the Haitian and Caribbean tradition in general where there are supposed to be zombies after some sorts of rituals have been done, scientists claiming including some nerve toxins. It is all a bunch of bullshit. The entire zombie thing is so fucking racist that it is incredibly offensive we have not put it to sleep the same we did with minstrel shows. Oooh, scary black people like zombies eating our flesh, attacking our white women, moaning as they do, suggesting sex, savages, all that crap. I just do not understand why no one is talking about this.

And another thing, why are zombies so fucking boring? No, I am really asking you this. Is there someone out there who really believes that zombies are scary as adversaries? They walk at the same speed as my grandma and she is 97. They have the same quickness of movement as she does and the only thing that makes them a bit scarier than her is the fact that you are supposed to shoot them in the head to make them dead, whereas you do not have to be that precise with my granny (do not even think about hurting my granny, I would hunt you down). In short, if you stay a step ahead of a thousand zombies and simply waddle away from them, you would be safe.

Finally, what the fuck is with everything having zombies in it. First there were the movies, then video games got on the wagon, then TV shows, then commercials, then musicals, then fucking blockbusters with fucking Brad Pitt!!?!?!?? I am really sorry that I am getting so emotional but I really do not understand why the fuck are not people boycotting zombie stuff already and why it seems we will be wading through at least 9862154512 pieces of pure entertainment shit with zombies in it.

In conclusion, zombies suck and so do you if you are still hyped about stuff coming out with zombies in it.

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